STATE OF THE NATION

To Citizens:

My Predecessor left me a hell of a mess. All bad things are his fault — the good stuff is mine.

I want to be clear: I will not fulfill any of my campaign promises. I just said those things to get elected.

The first act of my administration will be to order the Nation’s Postmaster General to put my face on a stamp and the Director of Currency to do the same thing on the Nation’s currency — a $100.00 hopo. And put Al Jorgenson’s likeness on a condom in honor of his screwing up the Nation.

Second, we will abolish term limits so I can serve forever.

Third, all Nation members will receive a free bumper sticker.

Fourth, passports will soon be available at Rogue Embassies in Issy, Seattle, Chi, St. Louis, NYC, PA, Denver, PDX, Newport, Eugene, Honolulu, Boise, and Off-Shore Butch. Call or email for a list.

I am moving the Department of Agriculture to the GYO Micro Barley Farm near Tygh Valley, population 224. They will maintain a Chatoe and Hop in Bed at the GYO Hopyard near Independence. We will continue our efforts to save the Terroir of hops and barley one acre at a time by GYO.

Shortly we will fill positions left vacant by my predecessor.

Secretary of Transportation
Secretary of State
Assistant – Assistant Attorney General
Speaker of the House
Press Secretary
Department of Tourism & Culture
Secretary of the Treasury
Department of Immigration
DEA
Department of Employment
Department of Economic Development
Fire Department
Department of Health
Sergeant-at-Arms
RDIC

Please send resumes to my Chief of Staff, Stacey Maier, at 2320 OSU Drive, Newport, OR 97365 or Stacey@rogue.com

Progress on our United Nations application has been slow. It’s my predecessor’s fault.

We now have embassies, farms, stills, breweries, sports teams, stamps, currencies, a zero crime rate, a balanced budget, voting by mail, a university, scholarship, no taxes, an open foreign policy, mass transit, recycling, uniforms, a navy, term limits, no king or queen yet, fuel production, traffic, police, judges, rules, root beer, health insurance, soup kitchen, cabinet. In fact, a lot of them — bank, job fairs, export/import, Bailout Program, Consumer Protection Agency, Citizenship Card, Mag, Women Can Vote + Work + Drive, Newspaper, Official bird, etc., chef, poet laureate, taxi, Gambling, Bingo, Trivia, Bull, Cheese, Shoe Manufacturing, Sprinkler System, Flag, Bridges, Free Speech, Ports, Docs, Capital, A White and Brown Chatoe, a museum, a library, a university, a film company, record company, coins and currency, passports, national ID cards, stamps, license plates, a flag, a constitution, uniforms, shoes, a creamery, a national pastime, a literary journal, a bakery, a hop farm, a pledge, and boxer shorts. All are the indicia of a Nation which should lead to the approval of our pending application to join the U.N. What more could they want?

We certainly are more qualified than some of the tin pot dictatorship who do belong. We will continue to refuse any offer of a non-voting membership.

Maybe we should apply for reservation status instead.

Yours for Revolution,

Steve Swan, President